TV

24 Season 8 Halftime Report
Worst. Day. Ever.  8.0

 Spoilers ahead.
 
We're a dozen episodes into the eighth (and final?) season of 24.  After what I felt was a comeback year for the show last season, the 24 gang has come up with some pretty mediocre material so far this time around. When the season started, we saw Jack hanging out with his granddaughter and he actually seemed pretty happy. Man, was that weird. Before long, everything was circling the drain in New York and Kim and her Vampire Diaries boyfriend were sent back to L.A. before they could be attacked by a cougar. Thankfully, it wasn't too long before Jack was teaming up with CTU:NY (how snazzy is that office?) and people were actually listening to him. It feels like I spent way too much of last season screaming at the screen "IT'S JACK BAUER! LISTEN TO HIM! HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING! AAAAAAHHHH!" as I tear my eyeballs out of their sockets.

Agent Hotness, The Hair and Thing 1 and Thing 2 after the jump (click "Read More" below):


Image Credit: 20th Century Fox

 
As far as the plot goes, it's essentially previous 24 material rehashed and recycled. Nothing groundbreaking here. Blah blah assassination threat blah blah nuclear bomb blah blah my brother's a traitor blah blah layers of villains that unfold like a Russian matryoshka doll. Back in the mix is Renee Walker (or as Zack Handlen from The AV Club refers to her: Agent Hotness), now suicidal and damaged after allegedly going all Sayid on the Remember the Titans assistant coach at the end of last season. Jack pushed Renee to step over the line numerous times during Day 7 and eventually he created a monster. There are many indications that Jack realizes this and now feels responsible for Renee. This is one of the better stories at the moment but unfortunately for everyone, the writers feel it's more riveting to watch Katee Sackhoff/Dana Walsh/Jenny Scott/Starbuck take an endless string of private phone calls in the CTU hallway (how does she get away with this?), meet some white trash outside CTU's doors (people can just walk up to CTU like that?) and then help them commit a robbery. Memo to writers: NOBODY CARES.

 
Reasons I'm still watching: Loyalty to the show (I stuck it out through the President Logan seasons. I'm not giving up now) and the faith that all these plot threads are going to converge at some point in the second half and melt my face with awesomeness.


Quick Hits on Various Storylines


Katee Sackhoff vs. Thing 1 and Thing 2
Makes me want to set myself on fire. Unless this is going to blow my mind somehow down the line, I can't believe the writers are wasting Starbuck's talent on this terrible plotline. Just awful. And now that the two stooges are at the bottom of a swamp, Starbuck has Milton from Office Space breathing down her neck.


President Omar “The Hair” Hassan vs. His Family
Nobody cares. Next.


Jack Bauer vs. Bad Guys
Pull knife out of own chest and hurl it into bad guy's chest. Check. Electrocute bad guy with cables held by your feet. Check. Badass Jack is the highlight of any episode.


President Taylor and All the President's Men
Pretty quiet so far.


The CTU:NY Bunch
It was nice to see Hastings finally grow a pair and stand up to angry White House guy that yells a lot. In other news, Chloe maintains her perpetual sourpuss mood and Arlo is kind of a perv. There should be a drinking game where you have to drink whenever Chloe breaks out that constipated sneer of hers.


Remedy for Season 8.5

• More Renee
• Pick a bad guy and focus on them (it seems to be quite a revolving door so far, from Victor Toombs to Adam Monroe) Suggestion: Cast Chuck Norris and have him go head-to-head with Jack Bauer.
• More Jack in eff you mode (when he ripped that knife out of his chest and hucked it across the room into the bad guy, I think I cheered out loud)
• Bring back a previous cast member in a surprise twist (unless it's President Logan. I never want to see him again. Unless it's to see Jack beat the living shit out of him.) Suggestion: Zombie Ryan Chappelle. Or Zombie Nina. Actually, why not a whole zombie army of people Jack has killed? Who wouldn’t want to watch that? Even people that used to watch 24 in its heyday (seasons 1-3) but stopped when it went downhill would tune back in. I’m sure of it.

 Grade: B-
 I have faith. We're not quite into Prison Break Season Four territory yet.
 
STRAY THOUGHTS 

• I’m interested in how the EMP bomb hitting CTU plays out. 
• Jack’s plan of transporting The Hair’s brother’s corpse to the hospital as if he were still alive reminded me of Weekend at Bernie’s. Possible 24 spinoff? I think so.
• I really want Katee Sackhoff to drop a “frak” at one point this season. How awesome would that be?
• Even Jack put on a “holy shit” face when he saw that Renee had cut off that Russian guy’s thumb. That’s pretty impressive considering he once shot a guy in CTU’s boardroom and cut off his head with a hacksaw (see season two).
• FYI: http://www.ringthis.com/tv_drinking_games/24.php
• Picture this for a second: A 24 opening title sequence complete with a montage of Jack getting tortured and emotionally destroyed over the years and Daniel Powter’s Bad Day playing in the background.