March Madness Region by Region Breakdown Based on My Girlfriend’s Bracket
My girlfriend doesn’t really like or follow sports. She likes to play sports but when it comes to analysing and agonizing over professional or amateur teams that don’t directly affect you, she doesn’t see the point. Needless to say, she doesn’t care about college basketball or the March Madness tournament about to get underway. I do, so with this in mind, I got her to fill out a bracket for the second year in a row and explain to me her reasoning behind each pick. I then created a region by region breakdown based on this reasoning.
EAST
STATE OF THE NO. 1: Kentucky
Kentucky squeaks out its first game, but only because it’s shorter to write than East Tennessee State. In the second round, despite John Wall’s best efforts, the Wildcats just can’t overcome the fact that Kentucky Fried Chicken is from Kentucky and it’s gross. That’s not even taking into account their matchup against a tough Wake Forest team powered by the awesomeness of trees.
BRACKETBUSTER: Morgan State
Not an obvious Cinderella pick as a 15-seed but if you look closer, you’ll realize that “state” abbreviated looks like it stands for “street” so Morgan Street reminds you of Sesame Street and honestly, how great was Sesame Street when you were a kid?
SUSPECT TEAM: Wofford
With a name that weird and a logo that ugly, they have a lot to overcome.
JUICIEST MATCHUP: New Mexico vs. Sesame Street (Morgan State)
What makes New Mexico one of the teams to beat in this year’s tournament? Our analyst says it makes her think of the cruise she went on to the country Mexico last year and how great it was. Mexico was also the place where she was afraid of getting kidnapped after she was followed around by a creepy guy in a BMW outside a shopping mall. So New Mexico has that working against them.
GAME BREAKER: Colonel Sanders, Kentucky
It’s unfortunate for Kentucky that one of their own players is going to cost them the tournament but the Colonel’s greasy gut bombs are going to be their ultimate downfall.
THE PRESSURE’S ON: Andy Bernard, Cornell
Last March, the Big Red rode The Office funny man (and Cornell graduate) deep into the tournament and they’re hoping to do so again this year. He’s got his work cut out for him in the first round though as he faces the Temple Owls who have a pretty cool name working in their favour.
THE PICK: Sesame Street (Morgan State)
The inevitable matchup between Wake Forest and Morgan State in the Elite Eight will come down to the basic strengths for each team. In the end, Wake Forest’s trees won’t be able to overcome their lack of mobility to defend Morgan State’s stud center Big Bird. In the words of our expert: “Sesame Street knows what’s up.”
SOUTH, WEST AND MIDWEST BREAKDOWNS AFTER THE JUMP
