May I Recommend

Not Eating at 7-11

I work across the street from a 7-11. Sometimes, when I’m still hungry in the early afternoon because I didn’t quite bring enough to eat at lunch, I look out the window and see the 7-11 beckoning me like the Emperor in Return of the Jedi.

7-11: “Give in to your hunger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant. Soon your journey towards the dark side will be complete!”

Me: “Never. I’ll never turn to the Dark Side!”
(Five minutes later)

Me: “One quarter-pound big bite hot dog on white, please.”

I learned the hard way about the hot wings, nice and dried out after hours under the heat lamp. Once those little assassins reach your stomach, they break out Samuel L. Jackson’s Ezekiel 25:17 speech from Pulp Fiction and “strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.”

Learn from my mistakes. I recommend not buying your lunch at 7-11. Your digestive system will never forgive you if you do.

Bloggity Blog

Today is Purple Day

Dig through your closet for something purple and wear it today because it's Purple Day!


Started in 2008 by nine-year-old Cassidy Megan of Nova Scotia, Purple Day is an international event that helps raise epilepsy awareness.


Quick fact:


Epilepsy affects approximately 1 in 100 people.


Famous people with epilepsy:


Julius Caesar
Alexander the Great
Napoleon
Joan of Arc
Charles Dickens
Danny Glover
Neil Young
Hugo Weaving
Agatha Christie
Vincent Van Gogh


Official Purple Day Website


Epilepsy Association of Calgary

TV

Lost Season 6 Halftime Report
How Deep Does the Rabbit Hole Go?

Image Credit: ABC Studios

Spoilers ahead (but you knew that already).

It says something when a serialized show that requires so much patience and commitment from its viewers has survived for six seasons in primetime on a major network. And it negotiated an end date ahead of time so it could end the show on its own terms. Aside from the show consistently melting off my face with awesomeness over the years, I can admire what it’s done for television shows. But Lost is not for everyone. Unless you made that commitment and were patient, Lost makes about as much sense to you as this. And for those ardent fans that have been there every step of the way, well, we're still not really sure what's going on. But that's part of the appeal.


More after the jump (click READ MORE below).

Man Crush

RYAN REYNOLDS
Man crush – A heterosexual man admiring another man to an extreme in a non-romantic or sexual way.

You might have a man crush if you are a man and catch yourself thinking these things about another man:

“That guy is awesome.”

“I want to hang out with that guy.”

“I want to be that guy.”

“I want to build a statue of that guy on my front lawn.”

“I want to murder him so I can wear his skin like a suit.” (if your man crushery has gotten this bad, you may need to seek some professional help. Ah, who am I kidding? You're probably fine.)

I have a man crush on Ryan Reynolds. I'll admit it. How cool would it be to...umm...quick-witted...umm...handsome...ummm...I don't have to explain a man crush! That's ridiculous! Leave me alone! 

Let's move on to the evidence for Ryan Reynolds after the jump (click "Read more" below):
Image Credit: Entertainment Weekly

TV

24 Season 8 Halftime Report
Worst. Day. Ever.  8.0

 Spoilers ahead.
 
We're a dozen episodes into the eighth (and final?) season of 24.  After what I felt was a comeback year for the show last season, the 24 gang has come up with some pretty mediocre material so far this time around. When the season started, we saw Jack hanging out with his granddaughter and he actually seemed pretty happy. Man, was that weird. Before long, everything was circling the drain in New York and Kim and her Vampire Diaries boyfriend were sent back to L.A. before they could be attacked by a cougar. Thankfully, it wasn't too long before Jack was teaming up with CTU:NY (how snazzy is that office?) and people were actually listening to him. It feels like I spent way too much of last season screaming at the screen "IT'S JACK BAUER! LISTEN TO HIM! HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING! AAAAAAHHHH!" as I tear my eyeballs out of their sockets.

Agent Hotness, The Hair and Thing 1 and Thing 2 after the jump (click "Read More" below):


Image Credit: 20th Century Fox

SPORTS

March Madness Region by Region Breakdown Based on My Girlfriend’s Bracket

My girlfriend doesn’t really like or follow sports. She likes to play sports but when it comes to analysing and agonizing over professional or amateur teams that don’t directly affect you, she doesn’t see the point. Needless to say, she doesn’t care about college basketball or the March Madness tournament about to get underway. I do, so with this in mind, I got her to fill out a bracket for the second year in a row and explain to me her reasoning behind each pick. I then created a region by region breakdown based on this reasoning.

EAST

STATE OF THE NO. 1: Kentucky

Kentucky squeaks out its first game, but only because it’s shorter to write than East Tennessee State. In the second round, despite John Wall’s best efforts, the Wildcats just can’t overcome the fact that Kentucky Fried Chicken is from Kentucky and it’s gross. That’s not even taking into account their matchup against a tough Wake Forest team powered by the awesomeness of trees.

BRACKETBUSTER: Morgan State

Not an obvious Cinderella pick as a 15-seed but if you look closer, you’ll realize that “state” abbreviated looks like it stands for “street” so Morgan Street reminds you of Sesame Street and honestly, how great was Sesame Street when you were a kid?

SUSPECT TEAM: Wofford

With a name that weird and a logo that ugly, they have a lot to overcome.

JUICIEST MATCHUP: New Mexico vs. Sesame Street (Morgan State)

What makes New Mexico one of the teams to beat in this year’s tournament? Our analyst says it makes her think of the cruise she went on to the country Mexico last year and how great it was. Mexico was also the place where she was afraid of getting kidnapped after she was followed around by a creepy guy in a BMW outside a shopping mall. So New Mexico has that working against them.

GAME BREAKER: Colonel Sanders, Kentucky

It’s unfortunate for Kentucky that one of their own players is going to cost them the tournament but the Colonel’s greasy gut bombs are going to be their ultimate downfall.

THE PRESSURE’S ON: Andy Bernard, Cornell

Last March, the Big Red rode The Office funny man (and Cornell graduate) deep into the tournament and they’re hoping to do so again this year. He’s got his work cut out for him in the first round though as he faces the Temple Owls who have a pretty cool name working in their favour.

THE PICK: Sesame Street (Morgan State)

The inevitable matchup between Wake Forest and Morgan State in the Elite Eight will come down to the basic strengths for each team. In the end, Wake Forest’s trees won’t be able to overcome their lack of mobility to defend Morgan State’s stud center Big Bird. In the words of our expert: “Sesame Street knows what’s up.”

SOUTH, WEST AND MIDWEST BREAKDOWNS AFTER THE JUMP

May I Recommend

Patton Oswalt's Werewolves and Lollipops

May I recommend comedian/actor/writer Patton Oswalt’s 2007 stand-up comedy album? It was funny enough that I listened to it twice.

Highlights:

“America Has Spoken” (Makes fun of KFC’s Famous Bowls)

“The Miracle of Childbirth” (How science can go too far)

“The Dukes of Hazzard” (Bush and Cheney as The Dukes)

Listen. Do it. Do it now.

Wackity schmackity doo!

Bloggity Blog

FIRST BLOG POST EVER.

I started a blog. Look at me go.

Tell your friends (unless the blog sucks).

If you’re going to write a comment, please don’t say “first”.

Here we go…